Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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