If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
