Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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