omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Mom said you looked used
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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