Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
