My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He did a backflip because drugs
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