Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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