Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
