you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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