just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize