I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
