I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
