He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I didn't notice because vodka
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
