There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
