im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
