shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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