omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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