You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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