I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
