i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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