sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
