i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
