Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
