what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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