mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
