I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
