Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
