Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm jealous of your bromance
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
