Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
