I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
