Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
