I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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