and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
