Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How does one acquire holy water?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
