The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
