my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize