Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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