apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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