adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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