Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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