whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
