I wanna bring you to show and tell
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
