did you get engaged???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
