They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
