I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
