just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
