I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
