I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
