I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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