he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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