just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
