When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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