so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
