What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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