I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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