Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dignity is for republicans.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
