Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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