I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
