So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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