1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
