Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
