I think I won the penis lottery.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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